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Written by Richard Tan

Sunday, 25 October 2009 12:13

Hi, my name is Victor Mancini, and I’m a sex addict. I work as a reenactor of colonial america in the day (when i’m not shagging my female colleagues, that is), and by night, I choke on slabs of steak, imploring rich diners to “save” me, thereby liberating their lives of the mundane on repeat. Of course, once they save me, they will feel responsible for me, and may even occasionally send some cash for my dental needs.

That’s how I pay for my mother’s hospital bills, who by now, cannot recognise me, and thinks I’m some lawyer friend of hers.

All this time, I thought my father was a travelling salesman, until my recent discovery of mum’s secret diary written in italian (of course, why not deepen the mystery of my life), which was translated to read that I had been conceived using stem cell technology with non other than The Man’s perserved foreskin.

Yes, I may very well be the second coming, literally.

Now I ask myself constantly, what would jesus christ not do?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to attend sex addicts annonymous. (there are plenty of reformed sex addicts there. And its not difficult to unreform them)

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