vinyarb- you just have to read it

I'd been searching around for some new films to watch, and was pretty bored of the routine slasher flicks Hollywood throws at us, without any attempts to mask the lack of story.
"Pump in the blood and gore! they love it" seems to be what all the studio execs are concerned about these days. So I turned to the french, and boy do they not disappoint! The first of 3 films I'll be reviewing is called Martyrs.
Martyrs starts with the escape of a young girl, Lucie, from an isolated abattoir where she'd been imprisoned and systematically tortured by unseen tormentors for over a year. She clams up and discloses nothing of her torture to anyone. She does however, befriends a girl called Anna at the orphanage she's sent to.
Fastforward 15 years, and we see an ordinary family of four (husband, wife, son and daughter), discussing the mundane topics we all do, at the dining table. Suddenly, A woman bursts in on them, and starts on a shooting rampage on the family, claiming that the man and his wife were responsible for her torture 15 years earlier.
Just when you think this is where it ends, I'm glad to tell you this is only the beginning. The second portion of the film veers off in a radically different direction from the usual torture porn, and actually makes you think of the lengths people will go to, to get at something.
I don't wanna spoil the film for people who haven't watched it, suffice to say that there's blood, there's gore, but there's also a decent storyline, which is a great surprise.
4/5

Based on the series of novels by Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief is the first in a series of 5 books chronicling the adventures of 12 year old Percy Jackson.

Percy Jackson thought he was an everyday loser, afflicted with dyslexia and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Turns out he is no ordinary loser. After a failed attack by his math teacher on a field trip, he is revealed to be the son of Poseidon, God of the seas! He's a loser demigod!

Together with his best friend, Grover, who's actually a junior protector man-goat satyr, they make their way to Camp Half Blood, where he meets hottie Annabeth Chase, who's actually daughter of Athena, Goddess of wisdom and strategy. There are also tons of other half-bloods running around, training under what seems like BMT conditions, with Pierce Brosnan playing the Camp Regimental Sergeant Major.

There, he's told that he's in grave danger, for Zeus's lightning bolt has been stolen, and everybody thinks he did it! and if its not returned within 10 days to Mount Olympus (on the 600th storey atop Empire State Building), the Gods will start a war that will end the world. (those greek gods - they drink, be merry, have sex with each other and mortals, and can still find time to end the world)

So he and his new found friends embark on an adventure to save his mom (who's been held captive by Hades along the way), and the world in general.

While the effects on the monsters are decent, I can't say much about the water scenes, which look a little rough (I know water is probably one of the toughest effects to master, but hey, Chris Columbus should have mastered his CG trickery with Harry Potter right?)

I know this probably stems from the source material, but the film also reeks of camp. Too much camp at times.

I know its supposed to be lighter fare than Harry Potter, seeing that it involves Greek Gods infused with the modern world, but still, the jokes sometimes border on spoof material direct from the Wayan Brothers School of filmmaking.

Overall, its a decent film with acceptable effects and some laughs. But it doesn't leave a very lasting impression.

5/10

I was more interested in how author Rick Riordan started off on these books. He was a middle school teacher for greek mythology, and had been telling greek bedtime stories to his son Haley. Soon, he ran out of actual myths to tell his son, and had to make up new ones.

Haley then had just been diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. So Rick created the fictional character of Percy with similar traits to Haley, and told of his adventures in travelling around the States to recover Zeus's lightning bolt.

This eventually turned into the novel that was published in 2005, and since gone on to sell more than 1.2 million copies.

How cool is that?

When James Cameron takes more than a decade to realise his vision, you know its pure passion. And I'd say his passion definitely paid off in a big way. Countless millions have been poured for Cameron to develop special cameras for his revolutionary motion performance, whereby through his lens, he can literally see his actors interacting with a mocked up CG environment, instead of the environment being added on post-production.

And boy does it show.

The story takes place in the lush world of Pandora, one of a few moons orbiting Alpha Centauri A, 4.3 light years from Earth. Humans have discovered a substance called Unobtanium (get it? Very hard to obtain!), a valuable mineral that's worth millions.

The bulk of this mineral sits under a village of natives called the Na'vi, blue humanoid beings living a primitive, yet spiritually enchanted life. They are very much aligned with the flora and fauna of the planet via a plug-and-play appendage you have to watch to believe.

Sam Worthington is Jake Sully, an ex-marine tasked to integrate himself with the Na'vi via an avatar, a genetically bred human-na'vi hybrid.

He does so, and learns the way of the Na'vi. Slowly but surely, he falls in love with the lifestyle and what they represent. It helps that he gets to shack up with the tribal chief's daughter, Neytiri, too! Nothing like some alien love to wake the warrior within.

And even though he is but human, he decides to take up arms and fight for the Na'vi clan, culminating in a pulsating third act of Pandora mayhem.

The story in this film takes a slight backseat to the visual treat, which pummels your eyes from start to the climatic finale. Each creature seems to have an earthly equivalent (like horses, dogs, iguanas and erm, dragons), yet superbly designed and enchanting to watch. The attention to detail is impeccable. And for 2.5 hours, we're truly transported to another world that is so believable it plays like a National Geographic special.

This definitely is a game-changer in the way CG worlds are realised.

A breathtaking spectacle, and a 2009 must-watch.

This is the story of how the idea for the movie Couples Retreat came about...

Jon Favreau: Dude, i'm so tired from the Iron Man production.. i need a break man! Let's go Bora Bora for some sun and chicks.

Vince Vaughn: Yeah, well, i'm dead broke... The Breakup didn't do too well ya know.

Jon: Look, we can do this man! I need this! All we have to do, is write a script involving Bora Bora, and cast ourselves man!!! We get paid, to go to Bora Bora!

Vince: Now you're talking... so we do a little acting, wrap up filming in 2 weeks, and get 2 months worth of fun on the beach?

Jon: yeap.

Vince: I'm in.

There you have it. A movie made so the stars can have a break while still making money. A simple enough premise with not exceptionally funny jokes.. the only saving grace (for me anyway) was the presence of hot chicks and bikinis, Kristen Bell, Malin Akerman and Kristin Davis.

And of course, this post was merely a chance to post some awesome shots of em!

Oh, by the way, I give the movie a 2.5/5 (this is after each of the ladies here have bumped up 0.5 points each)

If you were to believe in the movies, then never ever teach your prized disciple anything. In fact, once any kid displays a genius level, and it crossed your mind that "hey, this could be the one to take over my ninja training business", DON'T. Better yet, kill him right now.

Because they always come back and kick you in the balls. Always.

Rain plays an awesomely talented ninja assassin of the Ozunu clan. The clan steals orphans and trains them to be deadly assassins for hire in political killings. They are so mysterious and invisible (something about wearing black and hiding in shadows), that the world at large thinks this whole ninja business is a myth. Rain (who's name in the movie is Raizo. Hahahaha) falls for a female ninja while in training, and when she's killed for trying to escape, he realises that life in the ninja clan is really suffocating and limiting. So, after his first somewhat successful mission, he turns on his clan, hides out, and seeks revenge on them by sabotaging their missions and killing them one after another.

You don't really need to know the other plotline, regarding 2 FBI agents' race to uncover the existence of ninjas. Actually, the plot on the whole is so thin it can be worn as a pair of sexy lingerie on Emma Watson.

So leave your brains behind, and enjoy the bloodshed as one genius ninja rips apart his entire clan. Yeah, don't ask questions.

It really is an OK movie to watch. (while waiting for Avatar to come on screens.)

Even if you don't believe me, you should believe in Ask a Ninja.

Actually, this video of Rain training and practising his moves are in a way more impressive than the rain soaked CGI infested fight scenes.

Movie: 2.5 out of 5

Training video: 3.5 out of 5