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like, what is legit anymore?

Marvel’s The Avengers

May
27

the avengers poster

From the moment Nick Fury appeared to proposition Tony Stark into the Avengers Initiative in 2008, we’ve all been waiting with bated breath for the promised superhero orgy. Finally, today, I guess we can safely say those who’re interested in watching The Avengers would have done so already. And boy was it a ride!

The prospect of watching the 4 heroes Ironman, Cap, Hulk and Thor (+ an arrow wielding supersmart guy and revolver twisting supersmart chick) in a 150 minute fight-fest was just orgasmic for some of us. For the most part, it delivered.

Ironman delivered smarmy one-liners while blasting away the Chitauri army. Thor struck lightning and hammered away at the enemies while maintaining picture-perfect hair. Captain America directed road traffic and occasionally killed some enemy foot soldiers. Hulk… smashed.

What I thought was a little weak though, was the performance of Tom Hiddleston as Loki, the primary antagonist, and adoptive brother to Thor, who first appeared and wrecked havoc in Thor. His motivations just didn’t really work for me… or maybe it was just his over-the-top headgear distracting me from his evil-ness. It was just as Hulk said.. “puny god”.

All in, it was still a pretty fun and awesome film, looking forward to meeting Thanos in the inevitable sequel. He looks more appealing. Plus, he’s purple!

Rating: 8/10

hawkeye black widow

Barton’s arrows are poised and ready, if you know what I mean…

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The Cabin in the Woods

Apr
23

the-cabin-in-the-woods

The cabin in the woods is best watched without knowing anything prior to viewing. And it should come as no surprise that this review will be spoiler-filled.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me say that cabin in the woods is one of the best horror movies in years!

Hooking you in without ever letting up, the 2 parallel stories converge and beautifully ties up all the questions you’ve ever had about the people (usually teens, even that’s a question… why teens?) in these horror movies, namely:

  • why do teens like to have sex in the creepiest of places? (usually in densely forested areas where danger and mosquitos lurk)
  • why it seems like its a good idea to split up in situations where normally, people will want to stay together.
  • why everyone killed is a stereotype of either a jock, a stoner, a slut or an intellectual (and by extension, why the only survivor is almost always a virgin-ish)

5 college students set off on a weekend vacation to a cabin in the woods, and when they arrive a the cabin, comfortably slip into the stereotypes we all know and love so much; the jock, the stoner, the intellect, the slut and the virgin.

cabin in the woods

Underneath the cabin lies an extensive secret laboratory, watching the kids’ every move via satelite and hidden cameras, obviously up to no good (or so we think). After finding a hidden basement filled with weird and horror-inducing artefacts, they unwittingly unleash a  zombie redneck torture family (yes, its that specific) to wreck havoc on them.

Back in the secret underground facility, the curtains slowly pull back to reveal the scope of the project, the other projects taking place all over the world, and finally, the dire consequences if the projects were to fail.

The stakes are raised, and its no longer just the lives of the 5 kids on the line, but all the employees in the facility and possibly more. All this sets up the crazy finale in a free-for-all who’s who of the monster world.

After watching the cabin in the woods, all other horror movies will make sense.

Fret not if you don’t really understand the last few paragraphs. You’re not meant to read about the cabin in the woods. You’re meant to watch it, laugh and gape, and then watch it again.

It’s that good.

Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard have just levelled up as a duo in my mind.

Rating: 9/10

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Wrath of the Titans

Apr
23

As I was watching Wrath of the Titans, I felt eternal wrath at having wasted the money. It felt exactly the same as Clash of the Titans, had exactly the same beats and plot, and worst of all, the same weak last king to fight.

In Clash, they built up the Kraken to be this huge, hideous monster capable of total destruction, and he appeared for less than 5 minutes and was killed with a single Medusa stare.

In Wrath, they built up Kronos (father of Zeus, Poseidon and Hades) to be this huge, hideous monster capable of total destruction, and he appeared for less than 5 minutes and was killed with a single arrow to the knee, or something.

If you’ve seen Clash, you’ve seen Wrath.

They even replaced red hot Alexa Davalos with Rosamund Pike for the role of Andromeda.

Rosamund-Pike

Not anymore, it isn’t! I am Andromedaahahaha!

This, for that? Give me my fuckin money back!

Rating: 4/10

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Battleship

Apr
17

Its frankly a little difficult to wrap my head around the idea that an advanced species that can fly many light years in their very obviously technologically advanced ships to Earth, with the intent of invasion, could lose to Earthly ammunition.

So movies like Independence Day and Battle: Los Angeles where the soldiers inherently find an alien weakness and in the chaos, manage to relay that message to every other country and subsequently defeat the aliens simply don’t get to me. Sure, the effects are great, and I understand the need to end on a triumphant note (you can’t name a film Independence Day, and then have all of humanity die on that day, right?), but how many levels of disbeliefs do we need to suspend to swallow that?

And that’s why Battleship is a more forgivable film, because the army they inevitably defeat was not an army, but more of a recce/scout team, sent to establish communications to call for the actual fleet (perhaps after ascertaining available resources or securing of an area).

In 2005, a signal was sent to an extrasolar planet (that means a planet outside of our solar system) that had conditions similar to Earth, which could possibly harbor life. In 2012, they came. Unfortunately for the aliens, they chose to land in the sea near Hawaii, where the 2012 RIMPAC was being held, right in the middle of a live naval exercise.

The alien ships have a tremendous array of weaponry, and the aliens in their suits are also way more advanced than us. However, because of possible instructions to only disable and destroy perceived threats, and the perseverance of humanity, we always win!

Yay!

The film stars Liam Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker, Rihanna and Tadanobu Asano.

I feel like Taylor Kitsch is the new Sam Worthington. Pretty good looking, zero acting skills, and the luck of being cast in several relatively big budget movies.

But I think the biggest plot hole of the film was in casting Brooklyn Decker, and then not decking her in one of these.

Brooklyn Decker

This scene should be written into her contract for any film she’s in

It just doesn’t make any sense.

Overall its a fun movie with great effects, not too terrible acting and a more believable ending to how the aliens could be defeated. But I definitely wouldn’t be hearing the fat lady singing as yet. The aliens haven’t heard from the recce team, and they have super advanced weaponry. So they may be pissed, and there’s definitely more of them where they came from! (Time to open the sequel can!)

Rating: 6/10

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John Carter

Apr
10

Something we don’t see but feel the effects of each day, is the magic of gravity.

Imagine then, on a planet where the force of gravity is much lower than that of Earth’s. We, humans shall rule. If only there was a way to get on Mar, that is. John Carter opens by telling us that Mars is not a dead planet, but a dying planet in the midst of war waged between the cities of Helium and Zodanga (human-like martians with henna markings).

John Carter

The titular John Carter, a former army officer, while fleeing from pursuers, stumble upon a hidden cave, and accidentally kills a stranger. The stranger turns out to be a Thern from Mars, and Carter, holding on to the stranger’s medallion, gets transported to Mars.

Thus begins his strange little adventure, where he’s suddenly quite possibly the strongest being on the planet because of the lighter gravitational pull. He is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. He’s then swept into the middle of the war, and has to take a stand.

The war has to end. One way or the other.

The deciding factor?

John Carter

I'm an alien Martian princess... no, really.

This chick. Now you know why the martians are human-like.

Note to all potentially warring nations/planets: If you’re in the middle of a war and may need some other worldly help, be sure to have a hot princess on standby.

Obviously made for a potential franchise in mind, John Carter does a good job of introducing us to the red planet. The effects are pretty solid, characters and likable and the story allows for a sequel to further explore the world.

John Carter

On Earth, dogs are man's best friend. On Mars, this is it.

I loved how the framing device worked to wrap up the story very nicely.

Rating: 7/10

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The Hunger Games

Mar
22

Note: This will be a buy-1-free-1 novel cum film adaptation review, so expect a little spoiler content.

Weeks before today, I dutifully, like many others, picked up the book The Hunger Games to read, before watching the movie. The book was a brilliantly addictive read. Sadistic, violent, epic-ly laid out, and a moving tale of young love thrown into a ruthless arena in which 24 enter, and only 1 will survive. Did the movie do the book proud? Sadly but typically, no.

The Hunger Games starts right before the 74th Hunger Games, an annual survivor-ish spectacle in which each of the 12 districts surrounding the capitol city must offer up a male and female tribute in a fight to the death, in memory of the uprising held many years ago in which a failed revolution resulted in the annihilation of a 13th district.

The Games, held in a large man-made arena (each year is held in a different arena) in which the 24 tributes are pitted against each other, are a show of the Capitol’s power and technology, and serves as a grim reminder of how easily the Capitol can punish and kill the districts if they ever dare revolt again. These Games are televised ‘live’ across the nation ala Survivor meets The Kardashians.

The protagonist, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence), comes from District 12, a coal mining district, and one of the poorest. Her younger sister Primrose was selected initially, but to save her, Katniss volunteered herself. Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson), a baker’s son, who happens to have a huge crush on Katniss, rounds up the tributes from District 12.

You sit like a girl, Josh!

They have to contend against 22 other teens, some of whom have trained their entire lives for this event, and then volunteered themselves. They are known as The Careers, and typically come from Districts 1 and 2. Being a reality show, they also have to play to the audience, and make themselves as likeable as they can, in the hopes of getting themselves some sponsors. Sponsors play an important role during the games, as they can send in valuable resources such as medicine or food.

Reading the novel, the violence was brutal and raw. But because the film was aimed at mostly teens, the violence was severely dumbed down, that in the end, what it delivered was 2.5 hours of Wipeout instead of Battle Royale.

The novel was also written from a 1st person perspective of Katniss, in which many of her actions were justified through lots of internal dialogue in her mind. This was never going to translate well on film, and it shows. Some of her actions, without prior knowledge gleamed from the books, would seem just weird and out of character.

This places us, the audience, more in the 3rd person perspective, which isn’t much in a film like this. If they had instead made a bold move to place us in the Capitol or President Snow’s position, at least there’s an angle in which to anchor the film on.

The other frightening aspect of The Hunger Games, as the title suggests, is hunger. Many of the tributes over the years have succumbed not to the fights, but the grueling demands of nature. Hunger, thirst, cold, wild animals and poisonous plants are as much a threat as the other tributes, but the way Katniss hops along suggests that this was merely McRitchie Reservoir, with food and drinks a mere 5 minute cab ride away.

The feeling of danger lurking at every corner in the Arena simply wasn’t there.

Verdict

A massive disappointment, the film adaptation, or did I just rack my expectations sky high with the book?

Another massive disappointment, at least in my opinion, and I don’t know why they chose to not adapt this faithfully, was the fact that Katniss took A LOT of showers. Naked. Before the reaping. After the reaping. At the Capitol. During the Games. In book 1 alone, she probably showered naked no less than 10 times.

And in the movie, they only showed her showering like once. And even then, you only saw above the neck. Colossal disappointment there.

That said, Jennifer Lawrence did a great job at playing Katniss. Peeta Mellark in the book was a smart boy who had his wits and a way with words. In Josh Hutcherson’s hands, he became simply lovelorn.

I’m making you think i’m looking casual, but i’m actually flexing my pectorals. Gotcha there huh?

Liam Hemsworth, in a small role as Katniss’s best friend in District 12 and possible lover Gale, does a decent job at standing around looking hot.

Oh, shout-out to Elizabeth Banks who does a wonderful job as Effie Trinket, District 12’s chaperon in the Hunger Games.

Book Rating: 8/10

Film Rating: 5/10

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Man on a ledge

Mar
20

The more I think about Man on a ledge, the bigger the plotholes become, such that now the plothole is so big its technically wrong to even call it a hole.

That said, the idea of planting a jumper on the Roosevelt hotel to provide distraction for a heist happening in the opposite building is an interesting one. Sam Worthington is Nick Cassidy, a former cop accused of stealing a $40 million diamond Businessman David Englander. Nick maintains his innocence even while incarcerated, and breaks out of prison to steal the diamond for real this time, thereby proving his innocence that time.

Don't worry, I just needed some fresh air

His brother Joey (played by Jamie Bell) and Joey’s girlfriend Angie joins him on this quest, and they break into Englander’s office and vault while Nick provides the necessary distractions, fights off negotiators and guides them through the highly secure vault.

Ironically, a lot of the plan sort of hinges on their master plan failing before a spontaneous back-up plan is hatched to move the plot along.

And even if they succeeded in stealing it again and showing it to the public, wouldn’t all Englander need to do is to claim that they reverse-heisted it to plant it back in his vault?

Mmmm.

Rating: 5/10

Also, there always seems to be some rule where if any hot chick plans to do a heist, they always, always put on figure hugging outfits and matching undies. Not that i’m complaining…

If i can't steal that diamond, at least i'll look good for the papparazzi, si?

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The Descendents

Mar
19

When you first find out your spouse has been cheating on you, the first few emotions in the roller coaster that is to follow are definitely anger and hurt. Anger thrown at the person whom you’ve loved and trusted with all your heart and soul could ever betray you. Hurt that your lover could bear to do that to you, and shared an intimacy with someone other than you, and continued to lie and live a lie until the day you found out.

But take that revelation and throw in an accident and an unconscious spouse who will soon be unplugged, and you’re guaranteed a roller coaster of emotions, and then some.

George Clooney sheds his cool man image to play Matt King, a Hawaii-based lawyer, father to 2 young daughters, and husband to the aforementioned cheating spouse, who’s in a coma due to a boating accident. It is now left to Matt to pick up the pieces and move on with life, together with his 2 young daughters in tow, a task that is very foreign and new to him, as he realized he’d been too busy with work all his life to know how to care for his daughters.

Because just staring at you through the rear-view mirror ain't enough

Amid this personal tragedy, Matt has to also oversee a major decision to sell the last parcel of land that the King family owns in Hawaii, so that they can split the family inheritance and divvy up the monies among the King cousins.

Then there is, of course, the thorny issue of the 3rd party, someone by the name of Brian Speer. Did she really love him? Does he really love her? Does he have a right to know about his wife’s accident and subsequent plan of unhooking her off life-support? Would Matt be big enough and strong enough to go tell him about it?

That’s a lot of issues to be handling all at once, and Clooney eats up his role and spews his array of emotions at us with glee (and in turns sadness, anger, frustration, resignation, happiness) in what must be his best performance to date.

It is no wonder he is nominated for Best Actor at the academy awards for this wonderfully moving performance.

Rating: 9/10